


A Very Special Episode

by illyrilex, RobertCop3



Category: King of Fighters
Genre: Awkwardness, Friendship, Gen, Internet shows, Thirst Tweets, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28017399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illyrilex/pseuds/illyrilex, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobertCop3/pseuds/RobertCop3
Summary: Collaboration with RobertCop3!!!!! Mai's YouTube channel has gained popularity over the course of the pandemic, but something is missing. Enter Yuri and Ryo, who are asked to come film a video that promises to be wild.
Kudos: 3





	A Very Special Episode

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings everyone! I've been excited to get this Super Secret™ project out for a while now, and I hope that all of you will enjoy the combined efforts of myself and RobertCop3, whom I consider an awesome friend and something of an unofficial Mai expert! Some notes at the end - as always.
> 
> Onward~!

Mai's YouTube channel was taking off, which was hardly surprising given her status as a celebrity in the fighting community: Japan's Number One kunoichi, object of desire for millions; the perfect blend of classical beauty and fighting skill that made men want her and women want to be her (and sometimes the opposite).

What _was_ surprising was the subject matter of her channel. Those tuning in hoping to see Mai answer steamy questions about her sex life while dressed in skimpy lingerie or a micro bikini were in for some disappointment. The popular fighter's uploads were more like a blog on her daily life: how she was keeping busy during the pandemic, updates on her dressmaking projects, reviews on various products she'd stumbled across, and the occasional hidden camera footage of her subjecting her fiancé to some gruesome horror movie (those got a lot of hits). And most of the time, she was dressed in something that screamed the _opposite_ of sexy: a full-body cow onesie she'd acquired from Amazon.

But despite the lack of sex or skin, her subscribers still tuned in regularly. Raunchy or no, it _was_ Mai Shiranui, after all.

Every now and then Mai would even have a guest or two on via Zoom to balance things out (Yuri was a regular, Mary was sporadic at best, and King grudgingly appeared once). But like any social butterfly, she found herself missing direct contact with other people. So after a couple of months of doing the remote thing for her channel, Mai was able to talk Yuri into coming over to her apartment to record what she promised would be a "very special episode." Provided, of course, her friend still took the proper precautions when out in public, and showed no symptoms twenty-four hours prior to taping.

Predictably, they were unable to convince King to join them, which was understandable, as the kickboxer was trying to quarantine because if she actually _did_ catch COVID, her little brother would be highly susceptible to it. (Not to mention she still seemed a little haunted by the memory of the first time she'd agreed to appear on the channel.) The two were wondering who else to ask when Yuri got an idea that Mai thought was too brilliant to pass up.

"But how are you going to —" she started to ask her friend while chatting through FaceTime.

"Just leave that to me," the karate girl interrupted. "I'll convince him to do it. But it might be easier if I knew what you had planned."

Mai laughed at Yuri from behind her fan, which covered the bottom of her face. "Sorry, girl, but there's no way I'm ruining the surprise. Trust me, though — it's gonna be wild."  
  


###  
  


"Hi guys! Welcome back to my channel," Mai chirped with an enthusiastic wave. "Today I have something very cool for all of you tuning in! For the first time since I've started this thing, I'm joined — in _person_! — by Yuri —"  
"Hiiii~"  
"— as well as an _extra_ special guest! Say hi to Yuri's older brother and the New Mr. Karate himself, Ryo Sakazaki!"  
"Uhh… hey," Ryo greeted, his expression somewhat uncomfortable.

Mai turned away from the camera so she could look at her guest.

"Are you nervous?" she asked point blank.  
"Well, I mean. I dunno what I'm supposed to do..."  
"Just relax and have a good time! It'll be fun!"  
"Brother doesn't know what 'fun' is," Yuri remarked.  
"What?! I _absolutely_ know what fun is!"  
"Says the guy who didn't even dress casual," Yuri said, frowning at her brother's attire. The sleeveless gi seemed like it was a part of his skin, though this one was dark gray instead of bright orange — a stark contrast to the jeans and T-shirt his sister was dressed in.

"What did you think we were gonna do when we got here?" Yuri went on. "Squats?"  
"W-well, Mai didn't say what we were doing! But… I can still be fun."  
"Yeah? Name one fun thing you've done while we've been stuck indoors."  
"I… uh… I made miso stew," Ryo replied.  
"First, _not_ fun. And second: it looked, smelled, and tasted like cement."  
"Well, remember when we were little…? And I took you to Chuck E. Cheese once?"   
"Yeah, and then we got kicked out because you were using the jungle gym to practice your balancing, or whatever _Karate Kid_ stuff you were doing there!"  
"Well… their pizza wasn't very good anyway."  
"It had more taste than _you_ ," Yuri shot back. "Oh! And because of that stunt I never got to redeem my tickets! I was totally killing it at skee-ball and almost had enough for the Hello Kitty Radio."

Although somewhat mesmerized (and definitely a little amused) by the ability of the Sakazaki siblings to bicker about any and everything under the sun, Mai knew that it could quickly get out of hand if she didn't steer things in a more relaxed direction. The last thing she needed was for an _actual_ fight to break out in the apartment.

"You guys," Mai told them in a soothing tone, "you're _both_ fun —" Yuri shot her a glance that had, "You darn liar" written all over it "— so let's just… take a deep breath and get this show started! You two will love it!"  
"Why do I get the feeling that I won't…?" Ryo inquired while scratching his stubble.  
"Because the only thing you love is karate," Yuri sniped.

Before Ryo could respond Mai pulled one of her fans out from the inside of her onesie and used it to form a small barrier between Yuri and her brother.

"Uh-uh," she said quickly, but assertively. "No more of that! I can't have you two going into this all huffy and puffy with each other!"  
"Fine with me," Yuri conceded. "Brother?"

Ryo nodded, but then glanced at the stationary camera that was situated just above Mai's monitor.

"Has that been on the whole time?" He questioned, clearly alarmed.  
"Well, yeah," Mai told them while stowing her fan. "But it's okay — I can have Andy take all of this out in post."  
"That's a nifty video-editing thing, brother," Yuri informed Ryo, who frowned.  
"I know what 'post' means. I'm not _that_ out of touch."  
"Sure," came an unconvinced reply.

Mai loudly cleared her throat while sitting up straighter. She tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear and took a moment to adjust her breasts and hidden fan, composing herself as much as one could while dressed like a cow. _  
_  
"Let's get back on track, okay?"

The siblings nodded and repositioned themselves in their seats. Mai then gave them one last look before turning back to the camera.

"So! Today we're gonna be doing something a little… _spicier_ than usual," she declared while reaching for a small container that was just off-screen, a devilish grin on her face.

"'Spicier?'" Yuri asked apprehensively.  
"What does 'spicy' mean?" Ryo asked.  
"We're all somewhat… famous," Mai continued, completely ignoring the question. "Not only are we famous, but we're beautiful. And, sometimes… people like to comment on that."

The siblings looked at each other, puzzled, before turning their attention back toward the camera.

"And, now that social media is a thing, making those comments seen or heard has never been easier! Of course, I see and hear all of your comments — some of you are _very_ creative by the way — but some of us just… don't. Which is why today we're gonna be taking a look at some. Specifically —"  
"Uh-oh…" Yuri whispered under her breath.  
" — Thirst Tweets!" Mai exclaimed gleefully.  
"What?!"  
"What are 'thirst' tweets?" Ryo hesitantly prodded.  
"You really don't know what a thirst tweet is?" Yuri asked her brother, wide-eyed.  
"It's a Twitter thing, right?"

Mai pivoted in her seat so she could get a better look at Ryo and Yuri, who looked _very_ tense.

"Why, yes, Ryo, it _is_ a Twitter thing," she said with a laugh. She then refocused on the camera, excitement all over her face. "For those of you who may not know, a Thirst Tweet, as they're called, is a tweet directed at someone that is… well, thirsty. Or, in the case of some of these, _parched_. I had Andy compile some of the best ones from the recent weeks for us to go over and — if desired — respond to."  
"B-but, Mai," Yuri started. "I dunno if we should read some of these."  
"Oh, come on — it'll be fun!"  
"I'm not sure I completely understand," Ryo spoke up.  
"Here —" Mai reached into the container — "I'll give you an example. I'll start with some of the lighter ones from my Twitter and my channel's comments, and then eventually we'll move on to you two."

Without waiting for an affirmative response from either of them, Mai unrolled a small slip of paper and read it to the camera:

"I wish Mai-san would send me nudes so I could print them and put them on a Snuggie."

She crumpled the slip and put it on her desk, then looked over to gauge her guests's responses. Yuri's brown eyes were wide, a finger to her lips, while her brother seemed to be fidgeting a little in his seat.

"Uuuuuh…" Yuri said, trying to find words.

The kunoichi giggled and turned back to the camera.

"I gotta say, whoever you are, I have to decline. There's only one person I send nudes to. But still, your reason for wanting them is wholesome, I guess."  
"Well, that depends what he does with the Snuggie after he makes it," Yuri managed to get out.  
"Actually, I think the author of that tweet was a 'she,'" Mai told her.

At hearing that, her friend's cheeks grew crimson around the edges, while Ryo became a full-blown tomato.

"Anyway, let's move on."

Mai pulled out another slip and read it to the camera:

"'You should wear this instead of your onesie, Mai-san. Then I would totally milk you! With my mouth!' So, for those of you watching, he sent me an Amazon link which I'll put down in the comments that leads to a cow-print bikini. Anyway, thanks, but no thanks, dude. I like bikinis, but I wouldn't wear that one even if some shadowy sand guy kidnapped me and trapped me in a pocket dimension."

"That… was random," said Ryo.  
"And oddly specific," Yuri added. "Are we sure you've never taken any of my meds?"  
"Ooh, here's a funny one!" Mai said without even acknowledging the second comment. "This comes from at uwebollfan221 on Twitter: 'Mai can choose who her heart is for. She should make out with Athena or Leona. Or both.'"

This got some laughter from the karate girl, while her older sibling once more did his best tomato impression.

"Oh, lighten up, Ryo," Mai said with a giggle.  
"You know he can't about that sort of thing," Yuri reminded her.  
"Then he's gonna love my response."

The kunoichi then spoke into the camera:

"Well, uwebollfan, I'm very happy with my Andy. Someday we're gonna get married and have lots of babies. But if I were single, I think I _could_ have fun with a girl if I got horny enough. But maybe not Leona. She makes me nervous. And, well… Athena is just way too cute for me to think about in a sexy way. No offense if she's watching, but I think I'd be more like a cool big sis to her."  
"How is Andy okay with this video?" Ryo asked, more to himself.  
"He's a smaller stick in the mud than you," Yuri fired at him.

With a grin Mai reached for another slip of paper.

"He's _supportive_ ," she laughed while unfolding the slip. "Ooh! This is an interesting one!"  
"What's it say?" Yuri asked while leaning forward in her seat.  
"From NastyBee2003. 'Women's team think they're all that, but their asses are fat. Bet their tits and ass are all fake. Would love to pop them with my knife like the cheap balloons they are.'"  
"How is that fun?!" Ryo exclaimed. "That's a legitimate threat!"  
"Relax, bro," Yuri remarked. "People get death threats online all the time. And, anyway, it's just Malin. Wonder how long _this_ account will last before you get suspended again, you nasty little troll."  
"Plus, she's wrong about the implants. I can totally prove that these babies are real."

With a smirk, Mai's hand went to the front zipper of her onesie.

"N-now, hold on…" Ryo sputtered.

The kunoichi giggled and put her hand back down.

"But, this show is PG-13… ish!"

Mai then crumpled up the tweet from NastyBee and tossed it off to the side before grabbing two little tin buckets that had been cleverly hidden near the monitor, and swiveling in her chair to face the siblings once more.

"Now that you guys know how it works —" she handed the buckets off — "are you ready to do some of yours? I promise you there's nothing you can't handle."  
"Ummm… I guess," Yuri answered.  
"Wait, I have them, too?" Ryo appeared genuinely bewildered as he looked in the bucket. He started to take out a slip of paper but instantly dropped it when his knuckles were struck by Mai's fan.

"Uh-uh! Wait until it's your turn, sir!"  
"O...kay…"

Meanwhile, Yuri absently dug her hand through her bucket, her expression a little uncertain.

"Ready, girl?" Mai queried brightly.  
"Uhhh. Sure. Ummm… here goes nothing!"

Yuri pulled a slip out of the bucket and unfolded it slowly.

"I hope this one isn't too weird…"

The trio stayed quiet as Yuri carefully read, a wide smile spreading across her lips.

"This is so… _nice_!" she squealed. "It's from someone called at CherryMarmalade23: 'Yuri is positively adorable. I just want to give her a big, warm hug and make her some hot chocolate.'"  
"Isn't that so wholesome?" Mai asked Ryo, who was very rigid in his seat.  
"Y-yeah. Wholesome. I like wholesome," he replied while relaxing a little.  
"I, for one, would love some hot chocolate," Yuri stated. "Especially now that it's actually getting kinda chilly out. But, anyway…"

Yuri set the printed tweet aside and dug around for another one. There was a quick pause, followed by a quirked brow.

"What?" Ryo leaned toward his sister.  
"This is from at CitrusClimaxGuy. He says… 'Yuri is a total PAWG! Can you hit me with your big butt press? And then sit on my face?'"

The two women exchanged a look and started giggling while Ryo took a deep breath, unamused. Once the chuckling died down Yuri turned to the camera and cleared her throat.

"That's only for my boyfriend," she stated impishly.  
"I can't know these things!" Ryo griped while facepalming.  
"Well… at least he didn't ask you to fart," Mai said with a grimace.

 _That_ caused the karate girl to do a double take.

"Wait… what?"  
"Yeah, let me cut in for a sec."

Mai reached into her own bucket and procured a slip of paper that had a small X on it.

"I'll have Andy print this one on the bottom of the screen because this guy's spelling and grammar are awful. But anyway…"

She unrolled the slip and read very deliberately: "Mai-San, you — the letter 'u' — have such big, thick — i-c-c — sexy booty. Would love — spelled l, u, v — for — the number four — you — capital u — to — the number two — sit on my face and fart."

Yuri's jaw literally dropped while Ryo's cheeks turned a deep crimson.

"That's… that's… depraved!" He sputtered after a few seconds.  
"I think that's the idea behind some of these," said Yuri.

Meanwhile, Mai made a face and addressed the camera:

"Sorry, dude, but I can't help you there. I never fart in front of anyone — not even Andy. Only when I'm by myself."  
"That must hurt," Yuri remarked.  
"I manage. Okay, girl! Next!"

Yuri madea face but reached into the bucket anyway.

"Okay," she said as she absently unrolled another tiny scroll. Her expression instantly changed from uncertain to annoyed as she read.  
"Oh, for crying out loud!"  
"What's the matter?"  
"Is it another pervert?"

The karate girl cleared her throat and read, loud and clear:

"'Hey, Yuri, I think your haircut makes you look like a dude. A dude with a hamster face. And your school can eat a bag of —' I don't wanna say that word."

Yuri held the paper a little closer to Ryo so _he_ could read it for her.

"'And your school can eat a bag of dicks,'" he recited clearly. "Who the hell —?!"  
"It's just Malin again," Yuri told him with a pointed look. She then shifted her attention to the camera. "But she _is_ right about the haircut. It was an experiment that didn't work, but it's growing back — especially since I haven't been able to see a stylist."  
"Well, I, for one, think it's cute!" Mai declared.  
"Awww, thanks, bestie!"

With renewed vigor, Yuri reached into the bucket once more. She quickly unfurled the little strip in her hands and read the comment to herself. Her eyes widened and her face started to flush.

"Oh, no," she fretted. "Do over!"  
"Nope! No do-overs," Mai told her. "What's it say?"  
"She's gonna kill me…!"  
"Who's gonna kill you? Yuri, what's going on?" Ryo entreated, his Concerned Big Brother Mode kicking in. He furrowed a brow as realization seemed to dawn on him. He uttered the single syllable, "seh" before Mai quickly whacked him on the head with her fan.  
"You know better than to say that! Andy, baby, make sure you edit that out, okay?" A pause. "What is it, Yuri?"

Yuri glanced at her brother, then at Mai, and swallowed hard. She cleared her throat, and then:

"Hey, Yuri, why did you erase that tweet about King? Have you ever thought about shooting porn with her? I'd nut to it every day."  
"What the hell?!" Ryo exclaimed. "You and King?! Porn?! WHAT?!"  
"Relax, brother. It's not like we've ever actually thought about doing that, geez."

Mai glanced at Yuri, who was an almost _unhealthy_ shade of red. She knew that the younger woman was grappling with some interesting feelings and exploring new things, but she got the distinct impression that, maybe, she _had_ thought of their fearless team leader in a more… _personal_ sense.

…She would ask her about it later. But, for the time being, the show had to go on.

"Yuri? Did you wanna say anything else?" Mai inquired as casually as she could in an effort to diffuse the sudden awkwardness in the air.  
"Nuh-no way! Nah! No siree! Nope nope nope!"  
"What's with you?" Ryo prodded, his eyebrows raised.

Yuri started to say something but Mai speedily swivelled around in her seat and flashed her a knowing glance before taking the bucket from her. Yuri made a face; Mai made one back, and, with a wry tilt of her head, gave her a look that said, "We'll talk later."

Meanwhile, Ryo watched them, perplexed.

"You guys are doing that weird, silent conversation thing…"  
"Oop! Sorry," Mai said, even though she wasn't _really_ sorry. Nevertheless, it was time to get things back on track. She cleared her throat and smirked, as the moment she'd been waiting for since her dear friend had first suggested bringing her more conservative brother into this had finally arrived.

"And now… it's _your_ turn, Ryo," Mai declared, her voice brimming with absolute delight. "Andy picked these out but I took the liberty of numbering them for you. Start with the slip that has a number one written on it, then work your way up."

A few beads of sweat could be seen on Ryo's brow, despite the comfortable temperature of the room.

"Why… did you do that?"

The alluring ninja once more had her fan out and was laughing from behind its folds.

"You'll see. Now go on!"

Yuri, whose face was finally a normal colour, said nothing — just gazed at her brother like she was witness to some ritual she'd never seen before.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ryo queried while peering at Yuri from the corner of his eye. She shrugged and gestured for him to proceed, which he did — hesitantly. He furrowed a brow while reading the comment to himself.

"I don't… I don't know what this means," he stated.  
"That's okay," Mai assured him. "Just read it out loud and we'll see if we can decipher it. Go!"  
"'Jump on my back.'"

The trio exchanged confused glances as Ryo cleared his throat, very obviously trying to think of a response.

"Um… why would I wanna do that? Are we fighting? Sis, help me out. What does that even mean?"  
"Search me," Yuri said with a shrug. "Speaking of which…"

In a blink, her phone was out and she was typing those words into Safari. After a moment, she said, "Well, the first result is a Youtube video."  
"Let him watch it," Mai said. "Andy will just put in a jump cut to after he's done."

Yuri passed her phone to her brother. A little over three minutes later, he looked even more confused than when he'd read the tweet.

"This… makes no sense. What was the point of that guy with the burger? And why was his car being flipped? And… that ending? None… none of it made sense."

The younger Sakazaki reached over and patted his knee.

"It's okay, bro. We're in a safe zone."  
"So, anyway," said Mai. "Have you got anything to say to the person who wrote the tweet?"  
"Um… no," Ryo managed to speak into the camera. "I will… not jump on your back. Ever."

Both women shared a laugh over that one, and then Mai pointed with her fan.

"Go to the next one."

A bit more wary now, Ryo found the slip with a number two on it, opened it and read it to the camera:

"'Sexy ways to spice up the bedroom: wear a… sleeveless orange gi. And a… Ryo mask?'"  
"Ew —" Yuri wrinkled her nose — "what?"  
"I… don't know… _what_ to… say…" Ryo faltered.

Mai, meanwhile, laughed — not at the tweet (not _really_ , anyway), but at the expressions on Yuri and Ryo's faces.

"Come on, Sakazaki- _san_ ," she sang. "These are so pure and cute — especially compared to the stuff us females get!"

Ryo frowned.

"I… suppose you might have a point there. It's still weird, though!"  
"What is?" Yuri asked. "The fact that someone out there actually wants to sleep with you?"  
"Well… I mean…"  
"Awww, come on! You should be flattered!" Mai spoke up. "Given the number of tweets we had to go through it looks like a _lot_ of people wanna do you."  
"Where did these come from, anyway? Brother doesn't have Twitter," Yuri commented. "Unless…"

She turned in her seat to fix her friend with a hard stare.

"Mai?"

The kunoichi fanned herself, a look of innocence on her face.

"Yyyyyeeeeees?"  
"Did you make him a Twitter page?"  
"Mmmmmmaaaaaybe."  
"So yes."

Ryo looked confused.

"Wait… how did she — how did you do _that_?"  
"Easy," said Mai. "You just need an email address."  
"Wait, what?! And no one makes sure it's really you?!" Ryo looked appalled.  
"They're kinda lazy about that. It took me forever to get Verified! But, anyway! There are already tons of fan accounts for you! I just took the liberty of making a more… official one. I'll give you the password later."  
"Okay, but, Mai… was that really a good idea?" Yuri prodded.  
"It got us here, didn't it?" Mai responded with a sweet grin.  
"But —" Ryo furrowed his brow — "what do I even do with it…?"  
"Share thoughts and interact with fans, of course!"  
"I have fans?"  
"Why do you think you're even here, dummy?" Yuri sighed. "Now, are you gonna keep going or do we have to read them for you?"  
"No, no, no, no," Mai told her quickly. " _He_ has to read them. Those are the rules."  
"Rules? Who makes the rules?"  
" _I_ do, of course! But let's get back to it."

Ryo nervously tugged at his collar.

"I don't know if I want to…"  
"Lighten up!" Mai chortled. "Here, Yuri and I will each do one more to give you a little break." She reached into her own bucket for another. "Here's a good one: 'Oh, Mai-san, I would titty-fuck you so hard it might make your head come off.'"

The kunoichi had started laughing before she even finished reading.

Ryo was, as expected, appropriately horrified.

"I thought you said these were the ' _lighter_ ' ones from social media!?"  
"They _are_ ," Yuri stated.  
"You mean… there's _worse_?!"

Yuri nodded vigorously while Mai continued to laugh.

"I see," Ryo said slowly. "But… how is that last one _funny_?"  
"Because it could never really happen," Mai said between fits of giggling. "I mean, A: I'm already engaged. And B: This guy seems to think women are like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots or something. Like, if he pounds at a girl's rack hard enough, their head's gonna pop up on a spring?"

The mental image made Yuri explode into laughter.

"How many prize tickets would he win?"

The kunoichi wiped a tear from one eye and addressed the camera:

"I gotta tell you, um —" her eyes flicked briefly down to the paper, then back up again — "DoomSlayerStudMuffin, I fear for everyone who's ever dated you."  
"Seconded," Yuri chimed in. "I hope none of them were big enough for you to, you know… do that activity with."

Mai crumpled the slip and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Your turn, Yuri."  
"Should I be worried? I mean, the last one I pulled was pretty crazy, Mai. Are there more like that?"  
"Let's find out…!"

With a frown, Yuri reached into her bucket. She closed her eyes and moved her hand, swishing the little papers around until she was ready to pull one out. She glanced at the neatly printed text, and then:

"... _Excuse_ me?!"

A much stronger reaction than last time. Mai leaned in her direction, brow raised in curiosity, while Ryo looked afraid to even ask.

"What's it say, Yuri?"  
"Um… I'd rather not… I mean, um… I… I… you read it, Mai." The karate girl thrust the slip in her friend's direction.

Ryo _did_ have something to say about that.

"But… I thought the rules were…"

Mai leaned in closer, glanced at the slip, then chuckled, effectively cutting Ryo off.

"Oh, come on, Yuri, you can read that. You _know_ it's not as bad as some of the ones I've gotten since I started my account — or even some of the ones I've read today!"

Yuri's face was beet-red the entire time, but finally she read awkwardly: "I wish Yuri's… big butt… were, um… bigger. I'd… like to... pump it with... an air hose… until it's as big as a beanbag chair… and then… I'd relax in it, and… swim in it like it's Scrooge McDuck's money bin."

Her brother turned even redder than she did as Mai giggled and turned to the camera.

"Anything to say to the viewers, Yuri?" She cast a brief glance at the slip of paper that Yuri only half-held in her now slack fingers. "And to… LordKenMasters?"

Yuri could only stare, slack-jawed, at the camera. Finally, with her cheeks still in tomato, she managed to form words:

"What is wrong with you people? Why… why are you all so obsessed with my butt?"

Mai shrugged.

"Well, CitrusGuy was right, girl. You _are_ a PAWG. I sometimes wonder how you manage to do some of those moves without splitting your tights open."

Ryo jammed his fingers into his ears.

"I'm not listening! I refuse to listen to this!"

Yuri ignored him and kept talking. "Yeah, but… why do they have to be so weird about it? Like, someone actually _wants_ to get hit by my Butt Press? Dude, I've broken ribs with that attack! And then some guy wants to blow it up until it's so big I can't move? Like… what is _wrong_ with people?! Why can't they just like my butt normally, the same way Robbie does?!" Her hand went to her lips, as her cheeks went from red to purple. "Shoot, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Um, Andy… edit button, please?"

Mai snickered at her friend. "Relax, Yuri, he'll fix it. Now do me a favor and nudge your brother."

The elder sibling was still blocking his ears. Yuri reached over and poked him on the knee. "It's your turn," she told him.

With some hesitation, Ryo reached into his own bucket. His brow wrinkled in confusion as he read it silently, and then he spoke to the camera. "I am female. I think you meet the standards of attractiveness. Perhaps we could partake in coffee. Latitude 32.819, Longitude minus 117.149. Come alone."

"You keep getting all the tame ones," Yuri said. "Lucky."

Ryo read over it again, this time looking at the name. "Wait… PurpleShadowXI… Kisaragi-san, is that you?"

Now Yuri laughed. "Aww, too bad. If that were a girl, she sounds like she'd be your type!"

Mai joined in the laughter at hearing that.

"What — what does _that_ mean?!" Ryo asked, his tone a little on the defensive side.  
"It means you're bland. So you'd like someone else who's equally bland, if not blander."  
"I am not bland! Mai! Do you think I'm —"  
"Bland? Not… _exactly_ ," came a thoughtful reply. "You just need someone who can help break you out of your shell."  
"I don't have a shell…"  
"Keep telling yourself that, brother. Mai and I will be over here waiting for you to respond to PurpleShadow."  
"Oh. Right. Uh…"

There was a pause as Ryo made a face. His eyes moved toward the ceiling while he thought. Finally, he crumpled up the paper and tossed it into a nearby waste bin.

"I don't have time for games. If you wanna fight, come to the school, and I'll show you the _true_ power of Kyokuge — hey!"

Ryo cried out as Yuri reached over and gave him a purple nurple.

"Can't you think about anything _other_ than karate?! We're here to have fun, not start waxing about the power of martial arts! That's for tournament time!"  
"But he —"  
"Doesn't matter! Try not to think of karate for a little while, okay?!"  
"...Okay," Ryo conceded. "Should I do this last one, Mai?"

At that, Mai flashed a very wide, brilliant grin. She unfolded her fan and placed it in front of her face as she stifled a giggle.

"Be my guest!"  
"Should I be scared?" Ryo prodded while reaching into his bucket. "I'm scared."  
"Shoot, _I'm_ scared," Yuri added.  
"Hush, you," Mai told her friend from behind her fan. "Ryo, go ahead."

With a deep breath the older Sakazaki carefully unfolded the marked strip of paper in his hands. Both Mai and Yuri watched as he sat up a bit straighter, his expression absolutely scandalized. He swallowed very hard before clearing his throat, his face, once again, back to an almost unsettling shade of red.

"...Brother —" Yuri leaned toward Ryo and tried to peer over his shoulder — "what's wrong?"

Mai, meanwhile, was quickly losing it from behind her fan, as she had already seen the tweet that was in Ryo's hand.

"Well?" she prodded, a mischievous edge to her tone.

Once again, Ryo cleared his throat. He took a very deep breath before he finally read:

"...'Fuck me with a crayon, daddy.'"

Unable to contain her giggles, Mai doubled over, one hand on her desk for support while tears started to stream down her face.

"Noooooo," Yuri wailed through her own raucous laughter.

Ryo, meanwhile, could only stare at the slip of paper in hand. Finally, he attempted to make words, but he was successful only in sputtering out syllables that couldn't even be considered the basis of sentences.

Mai looked over and saw that he was somehow redder than he'd been for the entire episode. "Is… is he... gonna be alright, Yuri?" She managed to gasp out, still laughing.

"I… think so," Yuri guffawed. "Remember what he learned the last time we had a slumber party at King's place? And he survived _that_."  
"But no one called him daddy," Mai pointed out through her glee.

Yuri started to laugh even more while a steady stream of tears began to run down her cheeks. Both her and Mai did their best to contain their merriment as they turned to face the Kyokugen master, who was very obviously under some form of psychological distress.

"Do you have a response, Ryo?" Mai inquired with a snicker.

Ryo tugged at his collar while clearing his throat, his face still crimson. He shook his head — as if to clear some cobwebs — before looking from his sister to Mai.

"Whu… what's a 'daddy?!"

Mai and Yuri erupted into laughter once more, which left Ryo even more unsure of what was going on in the first place.

"I'm… I'm sorry, but this makes even less sense than… jumping on someone's back."  
"Need me to look up what it is?" Yuri asked impishly, her phone already out.  
"NO!" Ryo replied with more force than he meant to, which made both women (who had barely been hanging in there) lose it completely to the point that they fell out of their seats, gasping for air.

Ryo crumpled the slip and tossed it away, not even caring where it landed, then ran a hand through his unruly hair. "I should have stayed home," he muttered. However, he still possessed enough cognizance to look at the camera and ask:

"Andy, can you edit that out?"

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things from me, illy, because come on:
> 
> * Rob and I did our homework when it came to these tweets, with some being references to other media, some being the results of our depraved minds, and some being provided by Gen Z.  
> * Mai talking about the cow bikini and the sand guy are, of course, references to SNK Heroines.  
> * Yuri's "meds" = edibles, which she has been prescribed for migraines (it's also totally legal there)  
> * When Ryo says "seh" that's him starting to say Céc, which is, of course, King. Additionally, Andy does not know her real name.  
> * The event in which Yuri sends out a tweet talking about King happens in Seclusion Stories and makes for a really, really awkward time. You should totally read it.
> 
> Well, that's all from me, you guys! Hope you enjoyed! And, now, a word from Rob:
> 
> RobertCop here, folks. Just wanted to say what a pleasure this project has been. For almost two years now, I've gotten to know Illyrilex in various Discord groups, and she and I have become friends. We share a love of the OG Women's Team, and we both love breaking them down to human levels, so when she suggested a collaboration, of course I said yes.
> 
> And this project was a true collaboration. Ills and I both love these characters, and we see eye to eye on them in a lot of areas (such as we both hate Yuri with short hair, and we will stand by the Yuri/Garcia ship even if SNK won't). So we each just added what we felt worked with their voices, when we had ideas. It took a while to get out, not because we weren't enjoying it, but because real life and other fics got in the way. But we got it out at last, and I hope you all were happy with the results.
> 
> And by the way, those map coordinates Ryo was given are to an In and Out Burger somewhere in California, which is where Southtown is in Ills's fic-verse.
> 
> Thanks for reading! ( :


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